Changes and Expectations

The last couple days I have spent a lot of time thinking about the changes that I will be facing in the next several months. A friend of mine from high school is staying here in West Lafayette for the summer for a job, so last night I took her for a long walk. We walked around campus, down around Chauncey Hill, and all the way down past Wabash Landing and over the pedestrian bridge into downtown Lafayette. It was so great to be able to show her the town that I love… my town. I realized it’s going to be even harder to leave than I thought it would be. I officially move home in about 8 weeks, and for 2 of those weeks I’ll be in Africa. And I have plans for all but one of the weekends out of the eight. I don’t know if I’m ready yet to face the change of moving home. The time will go by so fast… and before I know it, I’ll have to say goodbye to the one place I have been able to call my own for the last two years.

Then just a few weeks later, I’ll be leaving with my family to drive out to Prairie, in Alberta. As much as I am looking forward to it, I also am very nervous about it. Moving to a different country for school with only coming home for Christmas break is a big change. Big big big change. And another big change, I don’t know a single person out there, except my admissions counselor. I have no idea what to expect… not a clue. I don’t have a calendar yet of when we will be where. I don’t know when we’ll be taking what classes. I don’t know about the living arrangements for the year. I don’t know much of anything, really. But I guess this could be a good thing, as I’ll be taking a huge leap of faith, and will have to fully rely on God to get me through it.

But when it comes to the second semester, this is a different story. As I was reading through the Discover April Newsletter, reading about the group’s time in Guatemala and El Salvador, I realized that I feel like I know what to expect when it comes to the time I’ll be spending in Guatemala. Since I have been there three times and have made friends there, I feel like I will be going in with preconceived notions about how the time will go, which probably is not a good thing. I feel like I will go in with certain expectations that might not be met, seeing as this is a completely different journey than what I’ve gone on before. But, I hope that this trip will go far and above my expectations. I hope that I will be changed for good. I hope that the Discover program will provide me with completely new Guatemalan experiences and even more Guatemalan friends, yet still let me experience again the things about Guatemala that I love so much. I don’t know where God will lead me after this journey with Prairie, but I expect that he will be there to guide me through it all.

It's All Gonna Be Ok

Today I downloaded a song from iTunes. I don’t do that very often, because I’m poor. But when I was online and came across the song “Embrace” by Jake Hamilton, I had to have it…

“It’s all gonna be ok…”

“I wanna feel your embrace, I wanna feel your arms around me. I wanna feel your heart beating next to mine.”

“It’s all gonna be ok…”

Lately I feel like my emotions are constantly changing, with all of the trials life brings. Whether it’s stuff with my family, or feelings of loneliness, or apprehension about leaving Lafayette and moving to Alberta for at least a year, or the fear of the unknown, or whatever else, I feel like there is always something hitting me and keeping me from placing my complete trust in God and his love for me. Why do I have such a hard time trusting?

I don’t know how many times I’ve read the verse in Romans that tells us that God works everything together for the good of those who love him, yet for some reason it doesn’t sink in. I know it in my head, and I’ll be the first one to remind someone else who is going through a hard time of this verse, yet for some reason it’s hard for me to fully comprehend and believe that it is true when it comes to my own life.

Well, needless to say, I want this to change. I am hoping that this song that I downloaded will be a good reminder that it IS all going to be ok, because God will cause everything to work together for good for those who love him. And I love him. So that means, it’s all gonna be ok.

“Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!” Jude 1:2 (The Message)

I have decided to start this blog as a way to record my thoughts, share my thoughts with others, and keep anyone who may be interested updated with what is going on in my life. I have recently realized that I have been living my life in the pursuit of what I feel is best for my life, rather than the pursuit of God and what he has in store for me. I don't want to live that way anymore. I want to follow the steps he has laid out for me and receive fulfillment through him only. I want to let go of the worldly desires that have been holding me back, and step by step discover what HIS plan is for me.

So basically, as I face many changes in my life, such as traveling to Africa for the first time, moving away from the place that has become my home throughout the last two years, and transferring to a school in a different country where I don't know anyone, this is going to be my way of keeping everyone updated!